What kind of a friend are you?
Posted By Admin on January 24, 2012
A woman entered the same lift that I was using and gave me a blank stare. She pressed the button. Not a whimper, not a nod, not a sign of recognition. Id met her several times before, so often in fact that I would interrupt the person who was giving us the courtesy of getting acquainted with each other and say, Ive met her before; so-and-so was our mutual friend, etc. But still, every time we were introduced, shed nod out of habit, I guess, say something forgettable and that was my cue to turn my interest to someone or something else. If she could not be bothered, why should I?
You meet a lot of these characters in cocktail parties where the drinks and the din render you unrecognizable in broad daylight. Dont lose blood over them. Its a fact of life: there are friends and then there are friends.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle made it easy to spot the three different types of friends (with reference to blogs from Tony Carson and Tim Madigan):
1. Friends of utility are people who are on cordial terms because each person benefits from the other in some way. Business partnerships, relationships among co-workers, and classmate connections are examples.
2. Friends of pleasure are those who seek out each others company because of the joy it brings. Burning love affairs, people associating with each other due to the same interest or hobby like archery, poker, book club, needlecraft, scrapbooking, etc.
The first two types of friendship are relatively fragile. When the purpose for which the relationship is formed somehow changes or stops, then these friendships tend to end. For instance, if the business partnership is dissolved, or if you take another job, or graduate from school, it is more likely that no ties will be maintained with the former friend of utility.
Likewise, once the love affair wanes or falls apart, or you take up a new hobby, these friends of pleasure will go their own ways and seek new friends with the same likes.
The analysis of friends of utility did not, however, apply to my former classmates in high school and college. On the contrary, the fact that we had a shared past drew us closer to each other now that were older and entering the golden years of our cycle. With competition gone and books gathering dust in some corner of the basement, we realize that we appreciate each others unique traits and strengths and acts of kindness and generosity.
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